Definitions in Construction

TENDER SUBMISSION: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
TENDER SUM: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
SUCCESSFUL TENDERER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
ARCHITECT: A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything.
CONSULTING ENGINEER: A man who knows a great deal about very little, and goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about nothing.
QUANTITY SURVEYORS: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
LAWYERS: People who go in after the Quantity Surveyors and strip the bodies.
COST PLAN ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.
MANAGEMENT CONTRACT: The technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
SUB-CONTRACTOR: A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
CONTRACTOR: A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends up knowing nothing due to his association with Architects and Consulting Engineers